Midnight
by emerald.phlame
Summary: What exactly goes on in the Hub at midnight...? Crack!ish series of oneshots. Janto
1. Socks

Time: 12:00

It started with a sock.

Well, sort of, anyway, Gwen had been out Christmas shopping for Rhys, and she'd accidentally left his present in the Hub. Which wouldn't be much of a problem if Christmas wasn't tomorrow, because she could've just gone and got it the next morning. Unfortunately, she couldn't, because morning was the only time they really had to go out and give presents. (It wasn't as if aliens and the end of the world went on holidays like she did too.)

So she went into the Hub at midnight.

Which was the first mistake.

It was dark, well, she hadn't expected all of the lights to be on anyway. The problem was that she had no idea what she was getting herself into. Gwen wasn't sure exactly where a light switch was. She had never been the first one to work, so the lights were always already on. Luckily for her she had a torch in her bag.

She had a torch in Torchwood.

She jumped when she heard a loud clang from the other room. Expecting intruders, she switched the torch off immediately, holding it like a gun (which she had conveniently left at home).

She stiffened as she heard approaching footsteps clanging down the interior of the hallway and dove behind one of the computers, keeping a careful eye in the direction she assumed the intruder was coming from.

Then,

"JACK! THIS WAY!"

"I'M COMING IANTO!"

Gwen wasn't sure whether she should be relieved or terrified as she watched Jack speed down the hall, Ianto in tow with an alien gadget in his hand.

All she could think was, 'wow, and I thought...'

Something grabbed her shoulder and she screamed.

Okay, so it was a Weevil. So the scream wasn't overreacting.

Oh, so that was why they had the alien detector. She'd assumed it was for more… different purposes…

Of course, she had no clue that Ianto and Jack enjoyed Weevil hunting in the Hub at midnight with no shirts on. But then again, should she really be all that surprised?

Jack and Ianto came clambering into the room she was in, and the first thing she managed to squeak out was, "what are you doing here?"

"What are we doing here, what are you doing here?!" Jack shot back.

"I asked first!"

"Well, I'm not sure you want to know," Jack answered with a wink.

"I forgot something," Gwen said, briskly walking to her desk. She picked up the bag that she had left her present in. "By the way," she added, as she turned to go, "the Weevil went that way."


	2. Eating Habits

"Oh, Jack, that's disgusting."

Jack looked up from his meal, his fork covered halfway full with noodles. "What? Sorry, but what?"

"Can't you eat in a more... attractive way?" Gwen asked, making a face.

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Are you trying to say something?"

"Just... eat more attractively," Gwen said, shrugging.

"How am I supposed to eat attractively, exactly?" Jack inquired, frowning.

"I don't know. Just do it," Gwen told him.

* * *

"Ianto," Jack mumbled. "Do you know how to eat attractively?"

"What?" Ianto asked, rolling over to look him in the eye. "Why?"

"According to Gwen I don't eat attractively," he answered. "But how do you eat attractively?"

"That's just her way of saying that you have bad table manners," Ianto told him, slightly annoyed. "Now can I go back to sleeping?"

"Fine."

There was about sixty seconds of silence.

"But, really," Jack said. "Is there, like, a manual, or does it just happen naturally?"

Ianto groaned into his pillow. "Does it matter, sir?"

"Just asking!" Jack muttered, throwing his hands up defensively, and accidentally hitting Ianto in the face. "Sorry..."

Ianto grimaced. "Maybe instead of focusing on solely your table manners, you should work on impr-"

"But how is it physically possible to eat attractively?" Jack wondered, bulldozing on and completely oblivious to Ianto's ramble. "I mean, how do you do it? Do you move your eyebrows a lot, or-"

"I think you just move your mouth a lot. Which shouldn't be hard, since you seem to do that a lot anyway," Ianto groaned.

"Oh, 'cos you've really check-"

"What I'm saying is that it's not something that you just do," Ianto cut Jack off.

"Yeah, but-"

"If you're thinking about it too much than you're probably trying too hard." Jack seemed to take these words to heart, because he was quiet for another thirty seconds.

"Ianto?" Jack's voice was completely awake. "Are you hungry?"

Ianto groaned again. "Are you?"

"No, but I want to practise eating attractively."

"You're not really serious, are you?" Ianto asked incredulously as Jack kicked off the covers and stepped out of bed, throwing the blanket back at his face.

"Go back to sleep," Jack said.

"Can't, I'm too plagued with visions of you eating attractively," Ianto teased.

"Keep it up and you'll be sorry," Jack told him.

"Is that a promise?"

Jack smirked and exited the room.

"You might want to put on some trousers first," Ianto's voice came from the other room.

"Naw," Jack yelled back. "I'll keep them off incase you get up."

"Ha."

* * *

_**AN: **_

_**Piper: We had WAY too much fun while we were writing this...**_

_**Scarlet: If you mean 'fun' by writhing around on the carpet screaming at the sight of what I just wrote, then, yes, it was fun.**_


	3. I Definitely Don't Do Video Games

Monday, 2:00 PM

"Okay, who's 'brilliant idea' was it to put a Wii in the Hub?" Owen demanded, sauntering down the steps of the cog doorway, the alarms blaring behind him, serenading the room with sound. "Was it to distract us all?"

"It was actually for... things," Ianto said.

"Shut up, teaboy, some things should be kept in the bedroom," Owen mumbled. "Or some people..." He looked directly at Jack as he spoke.

"Ha," Gwen laughed as she ran into the room. "I beat Jack's high score."

"About that..." Ianto murmured, but Gwen and Owen ignored him.

"You only beat it because of how low it was," Owen informed her.

"Is that some sort of challenge?" Gwen asked, raising and eyebrow.

"No," Owen turned to leave the room. "I don't play video games."

* * *

Tuesday, 12:00 AM

The door alarms sounded behind Owen as he quietly snuck into the Hub, tossing his leather jacket onto the railing by the entrance and running over to the Wii console.

He typed in his username and ended up on the 'start' menu, scrolling through the different options. He chose the blue car, scowling at the terrible graphics.

He scoffed at the pathetic high score. How awful. A person with the IQ of a third grader- no, a third grader could do a better job than that, he decided, and he snatched up the remote.

He played for a few hours, until he was satisfied with his score.

He heard a noise downstairs and froze, jumping for the off switch.

The first thing thought was that there was an intruder in the Hub. Then he remembered what Ianto had said about what the Wii was actually for, so the second thing he thought was how he did not want to walk in on Jack and Ianto at midnight. The third thing that he thought was how he did not want Jack or Ianto walking in on him playing a video game a midnight.

The best thing to do was to get out as quickly as he could.

He grabbed up his coat and ran.

* * *

Wednesday, 8:00 AM

"No, I don't do flowers," he mumbled, taking the card from Tosh. "And I definitely don't do apologies."

"Someone has a new high score!" Jack called, frowning at the Wii. "What were we up to yesterday?"

"I don't want to know," Owen muttered, staring at the glasses on his desk.

Strange...

* * *

_**AN:**_

_**Scarlet: Yep. It happened.**_

_**Piper: The moon in the picture is my light fixture! Yeah, just ignore me.**_


	4. A Site Called FanFiction

_Ianto stared into Jack's eyes, the piercing blue pair meeting his lover's solemn gaze. He gripped his shoulders tightly, pulling the older man closer to him._

_"Don't go," he pleaded._

_"I have no choice," Jack responded quietly, grabbing the scruff of Ianto's collar and pulling him closer. "I'm sorry. Really, I am."_

_"You can't leave me for him!" Ianto shouted as Jack pulled up the backpack and slung it over his shoulders quickly, the door alarms sounding silently as Jack slipped out of his sight. "You can't!" he screamed, but the man was already out of his vision._

_._

_Ianto woke with a shout, glancing around his flat. It had been three weeks since Jack had left the Hub. Three whole weeks, and he still expected Jack to come back sauntering through those doors as if nothing had happened. Three weeks, and he still dreamed that nothing had happened. _

_What was wrong with him? He couldn't just live like this. He needed to find some way to move on. Jack had made his choice, and they both had to live with it._

_._

_"Ianto?" He looked up from the file that he had been pretending to sort, to see Tosh giving him a meaningful look._

_"Just wanted to see how you were doing," she smiled warmly._

_"I'm fine," Ianto backtracked, slamming the cabinet shut and closing his eyes briefly, as if to ward off an oncoming headache. _

_"Are you sure?" Tosh asked. Ianto could hear the worry swallowing up her voice, and he bit his lip._

_"S' nothing," he reassured her. "It's just... Jack. Why would he leave us? After everything that's happened..."_

_Tosh sighed. "I've been thinking about that a lot, too. But from what I've seen-"_

_._

"Ianto?"

The Welshman looked up from the computer, wheeling around in his spinny chair. "What?" he stuttered, his hand groping backwards for the keyboard and clicking the brightness down bar by bar.

"What'cha doing there?" Jack asked cautiously, straining to see what Ianto was hiding from him.

"Nothing," Ianto said quickly, plastering 'casual smile number three' on his face.

Jack shrugged. "Just checking, then." Ianto inwardly sighed in relief as he exited in the other direction of Ianto's office. Ianto groaned, turning around in his chair and switching the brightness back up.

"By the way," Jack said, walking back into the room with his arms folded accusingly, "if you're looking for hurt/comfort fics, try 'What Never Should Be' or 'The Man in Grey'."

Ianto watched, stunned, as his boss turned and walked out of the room.


End file.
